Weird Review: The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007)

Written by father-son team of Wess and Jonathan Craven, the sequel picks up years after the original and Sector 16 still hasn’t been fully discovered. A fresh crop of National Guard recruits are dropped in to investigate after one of the scientific outposts in Sector 16 goes dark.

The recruits are led by charismatic and strong leader Sarge (Flex Alexander, One on One) and a host of Hollywood fresh faces like Jacob Vargas (Death Race), Lee Thompson Young (Smallville), Daniella Alonso (Friday Night Lights) and Jessica Stroup (90210).

The recruits are untested so some accidentally shoot each other and are easily taken out by the mutants living in Sector 16. But this time the mutants seem hell-bent on reproducing as per the rather extremely gory opening sequence involving a pregnancy.

Hill Have Eyes 2 feels like the original film without the acting pedigree the first film had. You still have gory kills, disgusting mutants and heroes you want cheer for but something is missing, a feasible story. After the recruits are dropped there and get wigged out by the mutants, what is the story after that?

I liked the multi-racial cast and the attempt at bringing humor to this series of films but it all just felt so off.

I will watch anything Jessica Stroup does! I really think she is a diamond in the rough that will explode after her tenure on the new 90210 finishes. In the first half of the film she is just your typical damsel trying to go military.

But as her character gets more and more desperate you start to see that side of Jessica I keep telling people exists. She bears done and pulls in every ounce of her talent to give her character more depth than is presented on the surface. In the second half of the film, you just can’t keep your eyes off her. Like 90210, she is the best part about this movie.

I felt for Daniella Alonso in this movie. She was so beautiful and gracious in Friday Night Lights but in this film she becomes the victim of a mutant rape which in my opinion was in overtly bad taste, disgusting and unnecessary. What is it about Wes Craven and all the rapes in his early movies? Last House on the Left was all about the rape of a virgin. Hills Have Eyes, the original and remake, had rapes And now this.

Daniella Alonso in a mutants clutches!

In recent years, the horror movie objective seems to be to desensitize the masses to rape, torture porn and extreme gore. Is it working, not really as horror movies keep trying to top the extreme violence in videogames. I think there is nothing wrong with a strong violent and gore R-rated movie what I do have a problem with is the continued degrading of women in the horror genre and how they have turned from “half naked damsel in distress chased by masked man” to “fully naked woman raped and then gutted like a fish by masked man.” Where does the line stop? There is a reason why they are called “snuff films” and we don’t need them mainstream.

2.5 out of 5

So Says the Soothsayer

Weird Review: The Hole

This is a classic Soothsayer review I wrote back in 2001 on one of Keira Knightley’s first films. The film predates her break-thru in Bend in Like Beckham by one year. This British film also featured her first nude scene at 16 years old. It is really interesting and weird to look back on it now and see how Keira has come.

As you begin to fall into the “hole”, that is this film, you begin to see a noir-styled thriller beginning to materialize.

Thora Birch (“American Beauty”, “Dungeons & Dragons”) stars as Liz, a girl who is found by Dr. Philippa Horwood (Embeth Davidtz) after a horrifying ordeal where three other students and Liz had gone missing. With Liz being the only survivor Horwood has to believe Liz’s wild tale.

Liz tells Horwood of her friends Frankie (Keira Knightley), Mike (Desmond Harrington), and Geoff (Laurence Fox) and their weekend adventure. Liz made arrangements with a friend of hers, Martin (Daniel Brocklebank), to set-up a weekend party in a deserted underground bunker. Liz’s story takes a horrific turn when she reveals that the coeds were locked inside the bunker for much longer than they had expected. Was there foul play involved in the locking of the bunker? What was the relationship really like between Liz and her fellow classmates? And what the hell really happened within that bunker?

The film begins very cleverly as it chronicles 3 different stories of what exactly happened in the bunker. It’s interesting how each of the perspectives allows Thora Birch to showcase a different side of Liz. As the film goes towards the truth it becomes darker and darker until the final truth is revealed. The sad part is that the finale may be too dark.

Birch shows that she has a broadening range that is starting to emulate the likes of Winona Ryder and Christina Ricci. Her dark and tormented character here is perfect example of that blossoming career. I also enjoyed the performances of all the coeds who show that there is a lot of young talent coming out of England. I hope to see more of Knightley and Harrington in the future.

I have always been a fan of Davidtz but she seems to be one of these actresses who are wonderful actresses but pop up in the strangest films. She was last seen in “13 Ghosts” which was another film that didn’t deserve her. In recent years, Davidtz has however seen some parts that have been worthy of her acting. She was wonderful in “Bicentennial Man”, “Bridget Jones’ Diary” and “Mansfield Park”. In those roles you could really see her Shakespearean training showing through. I am always surprised to where she will turn up next. I first noticed her in films like “Army of Darkness” and “Schindler’s List”.

If you’re a fan of “twisted-teen-boarding-school” films or Thora Birch, I highly recommend catching “The Hole”. I however can’t recommend it for everyone.

3 out of 5

So Says the Soothsayer.

Originally Written: December 9, 2001

Retro Review: The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

Of all the recent horror remakes, “The Hills Have Eyes” is the first of the bunch where I hadn’t seen the original film.

The original 1977 film was one of the earlier Wes Craven films and followed the cult-classic 1972 horror film “The Last House on the Left” which launched the legendary career of Wes Craven. “Hills” came between “Last House” and 1982’s “Swamp Thing” and predated 1984’s “A Nightmare on Elm Street”. The film also spawned an inferior sequel in 1985, just a year after “Elm Street” exploded.

Why go back to the one of the original films that launched a legend? Why not? They just seem to be remaking every horror film under the sun these days.

Conceived and re-envisioned by Alexandre Aja, the disturbed mind behind the 2003’s surprise hit “High Tension”, the new version of “Hills” is masterfully shot and the cinematography is quite gripping for a film of this size.

The flaw here is the story and how these disturbed individuals ended up in the desert in the first place. The origins are all based entirely in the fear of the time, a nuclear explosion. “The Red Scare”, “nuclear experiments” and “radiation” were all the backbone of popular culture during the Cold War. “Hills” was a perfect example of that surge in the culture of the time. Today, it just doesn’t really register as much.

One thing I really liked about this film was that it lets the film’s central hero be a hero. In so many of recent horror films like “Saw” and “Hostel” there is such a focus on grueling gore and a praising of the film’s nihilistic killer. I like the fact we have someone to cheer for and finally all the people in the film aren’t just body-parts waiting to be dismembered.

The hero in “Hills” is played by Aaron Stanford, who is probably best known for playing Pyro in “X2: X-Men United”. Stanford is not your typical hero and I could see some of me in him. I liked cheering for a hero I could relate to.

I felt that Kathleen Quinlan and Ted Levine were wasted in this film and used more as shock value. It’s a shame but that’s kind of what this film is.

The more horror films we get recently the more graphic and disturbing is the gore. “Hills” continues this new tradition but unlike some of the more recent films it does it for shock and it works.

I have read that there were some scenes omitted from the cut of the film I experienced. One of those extended scenes involved a rape and as the film stands now I am not sure including that scene would have helped traumatize the character any more or aided the plot. So it probably wasn’t necessary just overkill. Pardon the pun.

There were some scenes and textures I felt went too far but as a whole I felt that “The Hills Have Eyes” is one of the better horror films to come out this year, thus far.

3.5 out of 5

So Says the Soothsayer.

Retro Review: A History of Violence

There has been a lot of talk and commentary about “A History of Violence” from director David Cronenberg. The remarks focus primarily on how powerful and thrilling the film is on the angle it takes on an all-to familiar story. I disagree and this is why.

The film tells the story of your typical “heartland” family who own the town diner and are friends with just about everybody in town. Tom Stall (Viggo Mortensen) is the patriarch of that family with his wife, Edie (Maria Bello) and their two children.

All is just perfect until one fateful night, two gunmen stumble into the Stall’s diner just when Tom and his staff are about to close for the night. In the blink of an eye, Tom saves the day and is crowned the town’s local hero that in turn brings the media to cover the story. But the media isn’t the only thing interested in Tom Stall.

It so happens that this quiet family man has a deep dark secret that has garnered the attention of two gangsters (Ed Harris and William Hurt). Could it be true?

“A History of Violence” is one of those redemption stories where all is perfect until a deep dark secret emerges to threaten the peace. We have seen it all before and quite often it is a western. And basically that’s what David Cronenberg’s new film is primarily. It is a modern-day set western.

The problem I had with “A History of Violence” was that Cronenberg went through the whole film with one mood, rhythm, tone and theme. He didn’t stray from the path or ever ante up the action or tension in any of the scenes. The only real tension in this film is the firing of a gun but the tone is so down that gun-fights seem like they are stuck in slow-motion.

From what I had gathered from trailers and such, “A History of Violence” was being marketed as a razor-sharp psychological thriller where the theme of violence raises havoc with a small town family. It just isn’t so.

I have to hand it to Viggo Mortensen, he has no problems about doing different kinds of films. But I really think that there needed to be a more complex actor in the title role of this to give the audience more of a look inside who this man is. See the conflict in his face and show us the internal debates going on inside the man. I just didn’t feel any raw emotion from Viggo.

I really did like Maria Bello in this film because it seems to be her most honest and deepest portrayal to date. If it wasn’t for her dynamic performance I think it would have been hard to follow this film. She is the polar opposite to Viggo and it makes for an interesting conflict in a lot of the more everyday situations.

I also really didn’t get what Cronenberg was trying to accomplish with his rather awkward love scenes. I guess he was trying to touch on desperation verses love and devotion but I never felt it was poignant enough to make an impact.

I wanted so much more from “A History of Violence” and I am probably in the minority but I was disappointed. The film isn’t thrilling because the tone is done on such a low note I guess it is powerful in some scenes but not enough to carry the film. But as a whole I just don’t get it.

3.5 out of 5

So Says the Soothsayer.

Retro Review: Hidalgo

He’s back in the saddle again. Viggo Mortensen (Aragorn from “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy) saddles up a new horse as he rides into the adventure epic, “Hidalgo”.

Mortensen plays real-life legend Frank Hopkins, a long distance horse racer and dispatcher who ends up washed up and in Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show. Hopkins gets the challenge of a lifetime when a Sheik (Omar Sharif) sends for him to enter the epic 3,000 mile race across the Arabian Desert. The Sheik urges Frank to prove his claim that he is the best long distance racer in the world. Can Frank and his beloved horse Hidalgo survive such a challenge in a far off land? Can they endure the infamous Ocean of Fire and live to tell the tale? This stubborn cowboy sure hopes so.

“Hidalgo” is great escapist entertainment as Frank’s adventures in Arabia are plenty and fun to behold.

Mortensen is stern and steadfast as the cowboy hero and there is a lot in common here to his beloved portrayal of Aragorn. Mortensen maybe a laid back actor but his simpler portrayal of Frank does show he can be an audience favorite.

It is nice to Omar Sharif return to the silver screen and it was kind of funny seeing the cameo from C. Thomas Howell. The female leads in the film match Mortensen word for word but I never found captivating or enthralling. That is kind of a shame since it would have been nice to see what Mortensen was like next to a strong female lead character.

Easy now, boy!

Hidalgo’s director Joe Johnston has always been a favorite of mine. The man has directed such projects as “Honey I Shrunk the Kids“, “The Rocketeer“, “Jumanji” and “October Sky“. Johnston has also taken up the reigns of the “Jurassic Park” franchise from Steven Spielberg where he directed “Jurassic Park 3” and is slated to directed “Jurassic 4″.

Johnston has always had a certain style for his films. His unique use of music and grand adventure scenes have always been a staple. “Hidalgo” has a lot of elements that are staples of a Joe Johnston film and it is amazing how they bring a lot more to the film. He has always been a great audience pleaser and Hidalgo is no different.

I liked a lot of Johnston’s panoramic and silhouette shots of Viggo and horse. I liked how he was able to bring life to the most lifeless of places. There are so many of those kinds of scenes in this film.

The film also reminded me some of those old Sheik love stories starring Rudolph Valentino and the film adaptations of the Arabian Knights. It was almost like one of those films with a Gary Cooper or mellower Charles Brosnan styled cowboy trapped inside. It was a lot of fun seeing the genres mix it up.

My only problem with the film is that it feels quite long. The film’s story is a simple one spread across a 3,000 mile race. There really is no depth to sustain the film’s exotic adventure.

This adventure film won’t win any awards or challenge us in anyway but like the film’s central character it is steadfast, true to itself and a joy to watch.

4 out of 5

So Says the Soothsayer.

Movie Review: Drag Me to Hell

Alison Lohman stars as loan officer Christine Brown who one day tangles with an intimidating client. The client is an old gypsy woman who has had two extensions on her mortgage and is now faced with eviction. So to prove to her boss (David Paymer), Christine tells the woman her application has been denied.  

The old woman freaks and places a gypsy curse on Christine. The curse involves Lamia, the Black Goat, a demon which will rise up and drag the cursed down into Hell.

We have all seen demon stories before. Evil gypsy curses and tormented unsuspecting 20-somethings. What makes Drag Me to Hell different is that it is directed by Sam Raimi, who brought us the Evil Dead and Spider-Man franchises. Raimi’s earlier work on the Evil Dead films are what enabled him to be a fan favorite to direct Spider-Man. This is Raimi’s first return to horror since he finished off the Evil Dead series with Army of Darkness in 1992 (unless you count The Gift).

There is a lot of inspired Evil Dead mania going on in this film. You have over exagerated fights, vomiting, and witchcraft. The ending also seems ripped right out of Evil Dead 2.

Somebody give Lohman an award just for surviving this movie!

Alison Lohman goes through hell literally in this movie. From smooching an old woman to getting vomitted on to getting covered in maggots, she has to be given a reward just for surviving this movie. I also was quite impressed with her in this film. She is quite good as the woman in way over her head.

I can’t really cheer for the film because it’s just way too silly in places and while it does pay homage to Raimi’s older work, I just never felt startled or scared. There is a lot of creepiness but no real scares.

3 out of 5

So Says the Soothsayer

Side Note: For those who have been saying this is better than Evil Dead 2, they lie!

Movie Review: Race to Witch Mountain

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson stars as cabbie Jack Bruno who unexpectedly ends up shuttling two kids (AnnaSophia Robb, Alexander Ludwig) to an abandoned house in the Las Vegas desert. Along the way, he discovers they just arent your average kids that in fact they are from outer space and have incredible powers. The government and an intergalactic bounty hunter are stalking the kids as they try to complete their mission.

Race to Witch Mountain is loosely based on the the classic Witch Mountain films from the late 1970s. They have become as classic as the $1,000,000 Duck, The Love Bug and The Cat from Outer Space.

The original movies had two orphans with extraordinary powers trying to escape the clutches of mad millionaire. In the remake, you have a mad millionaire sort of with Ciaran Hinds’s FBI Agent trying to track down the kids. But the UFO angle and the silly bounty hunter just overshadow any sort of heart-felt story.

The director, Andy Fickman, seems to think he is making a Jerry Bruckheimer action flick opposed to a Disney family film. His quick pacing, unnecessary violence, explosions and car crashes over-shadow what this movie should be. Fickman worked with The Rock on The Gameplan so he should have known what the tone needed to be. They will reteam together again for the big-screen live-action version of Jonny Quest where The Rock will play Race Bannon to Zac Efron’s rumored Jonny Quest. Ugh!

I think my favorite part of this movie was Carla Gugino. She is brilliant in everything she does but she really shines in this movie. She acts circles around The Rock.  

I really would like to see The Rock return to full-blown action films. His action career just seemed to be taking off before he was shoved into this “big sweet guy” persona. My wish seems a long ways off as The Rock has even more kiddie fare on the way.

3 out of 5

Escape to Witch Mountain (1975): 4 out of 5

Return from Witch Mountain (1978): 3.5 out of 5

Beyond Witch Mountain (1982): 2.5 out of 5

Escape to Witch Mountain (1995): 1 out of 5

So Says the Soothsayer

Lost Pilots #3: Aquaman

After the smash success of the episode “Aqua” in Smallville’s fifth season which showcased a Smallville-version of Aquaman (played by Will Toale). Producers Alfred Gough and Miles Millar pitched an Aquaman spin-off to the WB. The series would be similiar to Smallville in that it would take the DC character of Aquaman, tell his origin and then slowly uncover his powers and his Atlantean heritage as the series went.

The original title for the series was to be Mercy Reef which would be the smalltown that Arthur Curry grew up in among humans.

The network was reluctant to continue with Will Toale as Aquaman so they looked to soap heartthrob Justin Hartley to take the lead. Hartley had the right charisma, physique and wit to charm both the ladies and the boys. After Hartley was cast the producers turned to veteran actor Ving Rhames to play Hartley’s mentor, McCaffrey, who holds an Atlantean secret of his own. To play Hartley’s dad on the show they needed an actor who was part adventurer, part hard-boiled cop. So after his successful run on Numb3rs, Lou Diamond Phillips was cast as the dad.

Hartley’s Arthur Curry (aka Aquaman) was a smart-ass, debonaire and quick to pull the trigger. He was toned down a lot from the eco-revolutionary portrayed in the Smallville episode. We did get that side though as in the opening minutes of the show he arrested for freeing dolphins. But the more the pilot went on there were more sides of the character than we realized.

The pilot was full of high adventure and 20-something angst.  It was very WB and got off to a great start just like the premiere of Smallville. I thought Hartley was perfectly cast as “the king of the seven seas” and I did laugh really hard when I saw him in his orange and green outfits.

I really think Aquaman could have been a great show given the potential shown in the pilot. I am glad that Hartley’s performance in Aquaman did land him the Green Arrow gig in Smallville. I just kind of wish they would have went for his Aquaman instead.

I do hope when Samllville finally has its swansong that they doo look to Hartley again for another spin-off. If we do get a Green Arrow spin-off I hope it goes in the vein of Mike Grell’s The Longbow Hunters and the cast a much sexier Black Canary.

Pilot Score: 4 out of 5.

So Says the Soothsayer

Note: The Aquaman pilot is still available on Youtube.

Retro Review: Hollow Man

Has Hollywood explored the “invisible man” enough or is there a new hidden depth in the theory?

“Hollow Man’s” story brings us deep into the mind of a frustrated scientist Sebastian Caine and his abused team who are on the verge of uncovering the secrets of invisibility. Caine is ego driven and often drives his co-workers insane by his stunts. Caine oversteps his bounds when he decides to turn his experiments on himself and become the world’s first man to step into the invisible world.

“Hollow Man” is directed by Paul Verhoeven who brought us “Total Recall“, “Starship Troopers” and “Basic Instinct“. In a lot of Verhoeven films there is always an exploration into the world of eroticism from a twisted angle. Some of those twisted angles include the co-ed showers in “Troopers”, the three breasted woman in “Recall” and the heavy lesbianism in “Instinct”. All of them push the envelope and were all controversial. In “Hollow Man” this tradition continues.

Another tradition associated with Verhoeven is his amazing special effects. “Hollow Man” does pave a new road for invisibility and the effects here are truly amazing. The idea of watching a man disappear a vein at a time was breathtaking.

See-thru Bacon... just like his performance!

I liked the questions “Hollow Man” asks but under its shiny special effects surface we have a pretty mind numbing B monster movie without a beast. Some films that achieved monster movie status and were enjoyable include “Leviathan“, “The Relic“, “Predator” and “Watchers” but “Hollow Man” for me really never broke free of its B-movie script.

The creature unleashed in the lab always seems to have its final battle within the walls of that same lab. Why is that? And as for Bacon being a creature well his portrayal is believable about half the time. The more and more he loses his humanity the more the film sinks into creature feature mode. I wish the film would have dealt more with the subject matter on a human level.

My biggest disappointment is that this film doesn’t really explain or answer the question I asked Kevin Bacon last week, “Why do all invisible men eventually go insane?” Caine is insane from start to finish in this film. “Hollow Man” to put it plainly is quite hollow.

3 out of 5

So Says the Soothsayer.

Retro Review: Hellboy

Comic writer and creator Mike Mignola has always had a flair for the dark, mysterious and heavily moody. His artistic style renders his creations and drawings often in heavy black backgrounds where only portions of their faces are seen. Mignola’s art style was always more about the words than the pictures when creating a comic. He drew on the strengths of the piece and one of those “heavy-on-the-inks” creations just landed in your multiplex.

“Hellboy” was conceived by the brain-trust of Mike Mignola and John Byrne who must have wanted to turn your typical hero adventurer on his ear. Their creation was bright red, had huge horns which he kept filed down and a giant-sized gun. In some ways their hero resembled something that would have sprung from the mind of comics-icon Jack Kirby but it was their unique vision that steered Hellboy more to the dramatic than the flamboyant. Their demon-hero became a cult favorite as his exploits with the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense (BPRD) garnered critical acclaim.

In the film adaptation, director Guillermo del Toro (Blade 2) begins his story as a sinister plot to destroy our planet is hatched in 1944 by the evil madman Grigori Rasputin (Karel Roden) but is thwarted by Allied Forces led by a young Professor Broom (older version is played by John Hurt). After Rasputin is struck down, Broom rescues a little red creature who seems to have been a reluctant witness to the events. Broom goes on to raise the red runt as his son and his adopted name sticks, Hellboy.

In present day, Broom and Hellboy (Ron Perlman) are joined by fellow BRPD agents, Abe Sapien (Doug Jones), a telepathic Mer-Man and Liz Sherman, an unstable pyrokinetic to find the secrets to Rasputin’s master plan. The faithful to Rasputin have found a way to resurrect their leader and vow to bring forth Armageddon. As the battle is waged, Hellboy may have to finally confront his destiny and decide where his true loyalties lie if he can just stop fighting long enough.

“Hellboy” is one power-punched slugfest filled with dazzling effects and is probably one of the more fun comic based films to come through the woodwork. The key to this film’s success is a strong and very memorable performance from veteran actor Ron Perlman. The actor probably is best known for his other infamous beastly persona, Vincent in the 1980s television series, “Beauty and the Beast”. His Hellboy is rugged, sympathetic, brave and in some cases a little vulnerable. It is a great role and Perlman uses every aspect with such panache. He is utterly perfect.

“Hellboy” probably marks the best work from del Toro since his little seen but brilliant horror movie, “The Devil’s Backbone” which has developed a huge cult following on DVD. Del Toro crafted every aspect of this motion picture and you can see the hours he must have spent. It’s all up there on the screen. The film has so much passion that it is hard to ignore. You do have to admire a man who can cover his actors in a foot of latex and make the battles exciting without looking like a “Power Rangers” episode.

I have long admired del Toro ever since he made the underrated horror film, “Mimic” starring Mira Sorvino. I love monster movies and Mimic was hard to forget. “Hellboy” is definitely in that same vain. Then del Toro made “Blade 2” which left me a little off put on the whole Blade franchise but it was on that film that del Toro met his Hellboy, Ron Perlman.

I did have a few small problems with del Toro’s film. I felt that Jeffrey Tambor’s crooked leader character was never really dealt with as much as he probably could have been. The whole character seemed overly contrived and in portions I really wondered if he was necessary.

As one who didn’t really immerse himself in the Hellboy comic series there were some things I didn’t quite understand. Who is the real Grigori Rasputin? What are his motives to wanting to destroy the planet? Also why does there have to be a heavily tentacled demon coming to Earth every time we open a portal? I know I ask these questions when it is just supposed to be a fun-filled comic book movie but just curious.

I really liked this movie and I hope to see more of this monster-thumper in the future. I am going to be in “monster-hunter” heaven this year with similarly themed movies like “Van Helsing” and “Aliens vs. Predator” coming soon. For now let this “devil reign”.

(4 out of 5)

So Says the Soothsayer.