Is it really coming? Is the end near? What happens after doomsday?
John Cusack stars as Jackson Curtis, a struggling sci-fi author who moonlights as a Russian mobster’s limo driver. He is divorced and wants to win back his kids love. So he takes his kids on a camping trip to re-ignite that long lost spark.
Meanwhile a scientist in India discovers that the Earth’s core is heating up thanks to the sun irradiating too many neutrinos (or some shit). A friend (Chiwetal Ejiofor) of his who works for the US government freaks out and flies back to washington to alert the President (Danny Glover).
Meanwhile back with Jackson he takes his kids to Yellowstone Park where he meets Yogi Bear and they look for picnic baskets, oh sorry, I mean he meets a creepy guy (Woody Harrelson) who lives in a Winnebago from the 70s and broadcasts a chaos theory radio show out of it.
The creepy guy tells him “the end is near” and Yellowstone is going to become one giant volcano. Of course he doesnt believe him until his wife calls screaming that she was just involved in an earthquake that split the family supermarket in two. Of course creepy guy and Indian scientist guy are right and we are off to the races dodging meteors, flaming cars, cracks that seem to only follow the actors and crumbling airstrips.
First of all, check your brain at the door. Strap on a parachute and hang on because folks, it’s going to be a bumpy ride!
2012 is just that a very, very bumpy ride.
You have so many storylines slamming into your face in the first 30 minutes two of the dumber ones could have been turfed without any complications. The lounge singers, who cares if George Segal is stuck in a Poseidon Adventure rip off? The rich art guy (Patrick Bauchau, yeah I know the guys name) who died in the same tunnel as Princess Diana was that story really necessary at all? These storylines were DOA when they appeared.
The main storyline involving Cusack, his kids, his ex (Amanda Peet) and her new boyfriend doctor/pilot is where the story moves along the best. At best the rest of the people were cannon fodder.
This movie reminded me of those amusement park rides where the fake tour guide tries to tell you the legend of the one-eyed caveman or the toothless hippo but really all you are there for is to get shook and go down a sudden drop in the dark as a grotesque dummy jumps at you.
God I love those. I went on one in Japan at there version of Disneyland called Disney Sea where Indiana Jones was our tour guide and I was in stitches the whole time because here is a perfect replica of Harrison Ford screaming at me in perfect Japanese. Anyway back to the review.
Take that ride, the crazy story is the tour guide and the utterly astounding special effects are the sudden drops and the grotesque dummy.
I really can’t say any actor was any better than any other actor in this because they were all just amusement park robots under the leadership of the master of disaster himself Roland Emmerich (Independence Day, Day After Tomorrow).
Emmerich has really out done himself on the production design, effects and well making this roller coaster work. Just too bad it clocks in at over 2.5 hours. Cause that’s a lot of time to focus on a very weak script. The script is so weak I might even compare it Emmerich’s Godzilla attempt.
I loved the thrills, the effects, Cusack’s look of bewilderment, Thandie Newton’s eyes and well to turn my brain off for 2 hours. This film will please the Transformers movie generation and it is just a good time to behold even if it is like an ice cream sandwich without the ice cream.
3.5 out of 5
So Says the Soothsayer