WTF NEWS?: Magic 8 Ball being made into movie!

ALL POINTS LEAD TO NO!

It is true according to collider.com and imdb.com, Paramount Pictures is readying a film based on Mattel’s toy/novelty MAGIC EIGHT BALL.

Written by Jon Gunn & John Mann, the story is to be said an action/adventure film where the Magic 8 Ball decides the fates to the films heroes. I guess the writing duo met and served together as production assistants on 1996′s Space Jam. Their only other claim to fame was the Eric Roberts direct-to-video MERCY STREETS. Really seriously??

I guess after the board game BATTLESHIP is being turned into a film with Peter Berg directing and Taylor Kitsch starring.

I am just wondering what is next? Here are some of my pitches:

HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS
Setting is 1940s Africa, a white game hunter is trying to seek an elusive purple hippo. It is also hippo mating season so the hippos are unruly when the hunter arrives.

WALL STREET 3: MONOPOLY

Gordon Gekko returns for a third time this time with a monocle, top hat and an extra sneer. Director Michael Mann takes real estate takeovers to new heights with pain-staking to boredom accuracy. Watch as everyone’s favorite corporate raider tries to snuff out the seaside town of Happy Hollows by expanding is monopoly with hotels and “Go to Jail” cards!

MY PET ROCK

Tells the tale of a insecure and bored teen who discovers a rather odd looking stone while on a family camping trip. Being a hardcore fan of science-fiction, the teen concocts a story that the rock is in fact an alien life form who will only talk to him and has come to Earth to scout out a new home. The teen realizes that people buy his story and the rock. Popularity ensues, etc, etc.

SIMON

The blinking, squeaking circle of wonder has been transformed into a WMD. Now in the hands of terrorists, SIMON has been set to go off now it is up ex-CIA weapons expert, Frank Smith (George Clooney) to stop SIMON.

I don’t know what they will think of next. But enough with the remakes, product movies and unnecessary sequels! Anyone got an original idea!

Movie Review: The Crazies

The movie opens with a friendly baseball game among some locals of a quaint Iowa town. The town sheriff (Timothy Olyphant) and his wife (Radha Mitchell) are in attendance. The prettiest girl at the local high school (Danielle Panabaker) has a crush on one of the team’s pitcher. It is basically a Norman Rockwell painting of the Heartland.

The game is interrupted when a man carrying a shotgun strolls onto the centre field. The sheriff tells everyone to flee to the dugouts while his deputy and him confront the gunman. The gunman isn’t himself. It turns out yes he maybe to the town drunk but his complexion is off as blood oozes from his nose. Also he has a look in his eye like something inside him is missing. When the man starts to raise his shotgun, the sheriff takes him out right in front of everyone. It is a gripping and disturbing scene done beautifully by the actors, director and cinematographer.

If the rest of the movie was as good as that scene then this would have been one hell of a movie.

Timothy Olyphant faces his worst nightmare. And no I am not talking unemployment.

The plot of the film is that a deadly virus sweeps the town turning people into homicidal maniacs. Hence the title, Crazies. The movie claims that the town folk get infected by the water supply. Then they change the rules in the third act of the film. So who knows.

Directed by ex-Disney chief Michael Eisner’s son Breck who also brought us Matthew McConaughey’s Sahara, The Crazies has a really strong start for the first 40 minutes this is a pretty solid movie. Then well it falls into repetition, misuse of logic and well a lack of sense. Plus the whole government angle has also been done to death. Oh yeah, and this is a remake. I had never seen the original so I really can’t compare.

Olyphant is the best thing about this film. If it wasn’t for his stalwart hero figure I probably wouldn’t have finished the movie. With his critically acclaimed turn on HBO’s Deadwood and the new series Justified, Olyphant still seems to bring a sort of panache and vigor to every hero he plays.

Radha Mitchell and Danielle Panabaker are completely wasted in this film. Radha’s character comes off as a smart intelligent woman, who is also the town’s doctor. Then she becomes this damsel in distress as the movie progresses. What gives?

There are no shocks, no twists, just more brutal gore and patients who might as well be zombies with homicidal tendencies. I would say this is a skip or a cheap rental. Check out the new TV show Justified for a cooler and better Olyphant.

1.5 out of 5

So Says the Soothsayer