Weird Wednesday: Creature (2011)

There is something dark and sinister lurking in the swamp. And this creature of darkness knows no mercy. The 2011 monster movie comes to DVD and Netflix on March 20th.

Sevinda Swan (Smallville), Mechad Brooks (True Blood) and Aaron Hill (Greek) star in this typical monster movie where a group of co-eds, while on vacation in the Louisiana Bayou, hear the legend of Grimley.

It is about a man who watched his wife get killed by a mysterious albino gator. Consumed with rage, Grimley seeks out the gator and after killing it he goes insane.

He eventually mutates into a half-man/half-gator monster. And the legend says he still lives in the swamps.

So drunk with curiosity, the group of co-eds seek out Grimley’s house to find out if the legend is true.

Along for the ride is horror alumni Sid Haig (Devil’s Rejects) and Pruitt Taylor Vince (Walking Dead) which try to give the film more street cred with horror fans.

The movie reminds me some of the original Pumpkinhead mixed with Swamp Thing. But the script and direction of this film makes it complete amateur hour. It is so amateur that the opening scene consists of some nameless woman stripping down completely naked and then goes swimming in the bayou. And as if you didn’t know what was coming. Have you seen Jaws? The whole scene wasn’t even needed but just amateur and extremely gratuitous. And begs to be mocked.

Also what makes the movie so amateur is basically you could have slasher/creature film cliche checklist and get full points. Nude girl in first five minutes, check. Creep locals, check. Girl-on-girl action, check. Rebellious co-ed taught a lesson, check. Misc. body parts, check. Machete scene, check. Etc, etc. What the movie forgets is that yes you can give us horror cliches but how about a dose of humor too? This movie should be way more fun than it is.

By the time the movie shifts into gear around the hour mark, the audience has probably already shut if off. But the twist does make the film a tad more interesting but really how many “darkened man-in-rubber-suit” creature movies do we need. The creature is so poorly designed no wonder the film is so badly lit. The creature’s mouth stretches up the side of the head but the mouth never fully opens. He’s got teeth up to his ears but when the closeup happens all we see is this tiny little piranha type mouth. Then when the light hits the Creature you can obviously see the actor’s eyes under the rubber. It is just sooo bad!

Creature films just aren’t like this anymore. It makes 1982’s Swamp Thing look like an Oscar winner. If I had to compare this to anything I would say it is equal to 2005’s Man-Thing. Yes, it is that bad!

It is really amazing that this film had a theatrical fall release. It was released in over 1500 theatres in the fall of 2011. A fun fact about the film is that it set the record for the second worst theatrical opening in over 1500 theatres in motion picture history. The movie cost $3,000,000 to make and earned just $327,000 opening weekend. Whoever thought this would make great theatrical material I really want to meet because I have a script for them.

(0.5 out of 5)

So Says the Soothsayer

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