MOVIE MADNESS #150: THE BAYTOWN OUTLAWS

It’s southern-fried “Smokin’ Aces” at its greasy and cheesiest. “Baytown Outlaws” is the debut film from director Barry Battles. His style is part-Tarantino, part-Guy Ritchie and part-Joe Carnahan. And Battles seems to have had a field day with this brainless B-movie romp.

After her ex-husband Carlos (Billy Bob Thornton) shoots Celeste (Eva Longoria) three times in the gut, it’s time to play dirty. In the fight for her godson, Rob, Celeste hires three outlawed and redneck brothers (Clayne Crawford, Travis Fimmel, Daniel Cudmore) to bring him back to her. But nothing can be that simple in the South. What begins as a small rescue mission rises to a Southern battle royale. This odd team must shoot their way through gorgeous female assassins, Native American hunters, federal agents, and a whole lot of metal coming after them, while protecting Celeste’s innocent child.

The movie desperately wants to be smart, creative and adrenaline-fueled. There is lots of fun with the action sequences and the motley crew of villains the film assembles is very reminiscent of “Smokin’ Aces”. The horde of biker chick-assassins is quite a bit of fun. The movie is just brainless. But really what else do you expect from this kinda flick?

Billy Bob Thornton phones his performance in as a cardboard cutout villain he has played oodles before. Longoria once again brings nothing to a film she is in. The film doesn’t deliver anything we haven’t seen before except with a less exceptional cast. (C’mon Eva Longoria above the title?? What?)

The chemistry between the brothers is really the best thing about the film. These guys and their rampages are kind of hysterical. I especially howled when they went in guns blazing on the wrong crackhouse. These guys are really silly and the perfect thing you need for this film. I have to admit I’d like to see more from the Oodie Brothers.

If you can forgive it for what it wants to be and just take it like a Cinemax movie on crack then you’ll have fun.

3 out of 5

So Says the Soothsayer

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